Crossroads

Some choice quotes;

'The man looks at the lady and remembers where she sits. Because he needs to escort her back after the dance.'

'Before you enter the dance floor, establish eye contact with the man dancing behind you to let him know you are entering the traffic.'

'Simple stuff, always the simple stuff. Add in different steps bit by bit. Only when you feel the lady is comfortable, then you add a bit more. Comfortable, then a bit more; don't show your whole repetitoire from the get go. Then you can be sure you will have a comfortable dance from beginners to good dancers.'

'There is sweetness in your dance.'

'You need to relax your shoulders more.'

'In a milonga, all things are seen. Even who comes in and leaves together.'

'Keep it simple, especially in a fast milonga, not too much traspie.'

--- From H.T.

I'm so tired. Quarrelled with a loved one and I feel so tired...

There's always times when it all comes to shit. But I can take it. I can take the difficult tango lessons. I can take the constant worry for finances. I can take the uncertainty beyond 3 months, 1 week or even today. I can take having cold sandwiches for every meal since sunday, I can take disdain from siblings who don't understand what I'm doing. I can take giving up a secure job and income. I can take not understanding a single word of what everyone is saying.

It doesn't get me down. I can take suffering and loneliness. It gives me drive and energy. I thrive on adversary.

But I'm also a man in love. And a man in love is in fact someone relinquish his heart and mood to someone else. His heart is thus imprisoned by the happenstance of some other person's actions and what goes on between them.

I hate this feeling, I hate to relinquish, I hate it even more when its all bad. It is draining. I need to focus on getting my life on track here. I can't fail... I can't get distracted. Yet I am.

I need God... God I need you... Please help me and free me from this misery...Help me focus... I don't want this hurt...

Had to try it sometime. The mythical 'cabeceo', Buenos Aires code to invite a lady to dance.

When I first went to the milonga, I didn't see any verbal invitation of dancing at all! The gentleman and lady just rose from different corners of the room and embrace in the dance floor. In Fact, they used the cabeceo.

And so to my laymen friends, the 'cabeceo' consists of the eye contact established by the gentleman and lady from afar and then a slight head nod or tilt by the gentleman as in asking the question 'would you like to dance?', and the lady will usually smile and nod in agreement. If the lady doesn't want to dance, the initial eye contact would not be strongly established at all. This I heard, is a good way to politely reject a dance, and also preserving the latinos' fragile ego.

So after many nights of shyness and lack of confidence, then dancing with friends, then dancing with people i just met from tango classes. Today I finally felt good enough to try to ask strangers to dance. And the only way to ask strangers to dance, is not to ask, but to use the cabeceo...

A brazilian friend, Ronaldo, I met from a tango class strongly recommended me to come to El Beso, for Susana Miller's class and then later on milonga. He was very warm and friendly and even help reserve a table for me! I couldn't turn down his sincerity and man I was glad I didn't...

I was having a fun time dancing with Ronaldo's friends, his wife, and someother tango friends I made from the past week. Then Ronaldo's wife, the beautiful Carla, asked me to dance with a very hot lady in white. She said she is a very good dancer. She was quite insistent and so I tried...

By learning from what I've been seeing the old bird locals do, I stood in her peripheral vision, waited for our eyes to lock, I gave her a firm smile, nodded and tilted my head to the dance floor (thanks Hsueh Tze! for breaking down the cabeceo for me!!). She looked at me. A bit suprised I think, and smiled 'ok'.

Carla was right!! I had the best dance since I came Buenos Aires. She (Alejandra) moved into my embrace, it was a slow Pugliese or Calo. So I took my time and moved with deliberate tranquility. She followed every subtle lead. She felt calm, relaxed and balanced. It felt so good. It felt like I was moving through hot butter.

It was such a good dance, I immediately decided I had enough! I hung up my dancing shoes for the night. I wanted it to be the last good feeling I have before I sleep... Thank you Alejandra, you made my night.

Ten days passed like a flash. Royce and Jean Michel are going away tomorrow morning.

Since last year, when they were still in Singapore, hey had been my guiding light for tango. Now, In Buenos Aires, they have been the guiding light to my first weeks here; showing me places to dance, places to learn tango, how to live out the daily life, most importantly, how to order food!

Now on the eve of their departure, we're dancing in one of the famous milonga, Salon Canning. Salon Canning, so I heard, has became a tourist frequented place. With people dancing crazy figures(I spotted some boleos!), not respecting the line of dance and pissing off the local dancers. As such, even I, as a first timer there, can feel a clear division of locals and tourist. Unlike Lo De Celia, where people are happy and curious to dance with tourist, down here, they both just don't mix. Most of the time, the floor is crowded with tourist, and locals sitting around looking in disdain.

The main reason we're here however is to see an exhibition dance by Claudia Codega and Esteban Moreno. I was having the most enjoyable time since I've arrived in BA. Jean Michel had four lady friends who was present to see him off for the last time before he went away to Japan, so I danced with them about 2 tandas each. Plus I am getting to know more and more people from the tango classes so I had a few dances with these people too. It almost felt like Singapore again where I danced non stop.

Good. I'm getting the groove back. Once again I have to thank Royce. I was dancing with her the other day in Cacho Dante's class then she remarked that I was too stiff. She liked how relaxed I was a few months ago in Singapore! It was like a flash of lightning. I was so nervous and uptight about my level of tango and the steep learning curve, my tango had regressed! Royce told me to forget about my level of dancing, no matter how good I was there'll be people better than me, conversely no matter how bad i was there are worse. So just relax, enjoy and don't be afraid to make mistakes.

So its with that renewed feeling I was able to enjoy tonight. I do take things too seriously. Especially this chapter of my life have a certain 'do or die' kind of feel to it. But like all long runs or marathon, its good to start slow and finish strong...

Back to the milonga, it was about 2am when people started to clear the dance floor and dry ice starting seeping in. Claudia and Esteban glided to the dancefloor and started dancing.

I was simply amazed. I must confess I've never seen anything so beautiful. They are just so beautiful together. Both of them graceful, elegant people. With beautiful moves and poses. Every move is elegantly poised. If Julio and Corina astounds with their powerful and flowing movement, Claudia and Esteban captures your heart with their perfectly poised poses. Julio and Corina you see them move; Claudia and Esteban you see them stop.

I hardly concentrated on my digi cam as I was just transfixed by the beauty of Claudia. Haha... She's the most beautiful woman I've seen since i arrived in BA.

The night had to end. And mine ended with a tanda with Royce. My last one with her for another one year... Anyways, like the chinese saying goes, 'No feast in the world is forever.'

Till next year then my dear teachers and friends.

Buenos Aires is a busy city. Every morning I wake up to jam packed traffic, crowded walkways where teenage girls walk faster than me.

I was just telling Royce, it feels like I'm living in the middle of Orchard shopping district, hustle and bustle the minute I open my eyes. The only peace available is the sitting on the hostel toilet bowl.

So walking the streets of BA can be quite a mind busting experience. Your senses are constantly assaulted with rushing pedestrians everywhere, crossing roads with vehicles that behave exactly like the pedestrians, and more importantly, gold mine.

What the chinese call gold mine is in fact, dog poo. There are numerous gold mine everywhere. Its almost like a WW2 Vietnam mine zone. In different shape and sizes, long, brown, puddle shaped and the worst of all; smeared. Makes you shudder in disgust thinking about the poor guy that created this work of art.

The other day I was just lifting up my head, admiring the beautiful architechture of the city and bam! I became another one of the unknowing artist in creating the smeared dog poo.

So pensalo bien! As a Juan D'arienzo tango says, think well, before you step...

After a few days of rest and relax, the couple and I went to the only gay friendly milonga in Buenos Aires. Its called La Marshall, at a place called Maipu 444.

Went over there to check out the scene, and let others check me out. hehe.... errr...

Anyway, the music was pretty good, but unfortunately dancing wise it was anything goes, not much respect for line of dance ala La Viruta, the couples are doing big figures or nuevo steps. It certainly lived up to its billing of an alternative milonga, you see guys leading guys, girls leading girls, girls leading guys and even guy and girl changing lead in between a single song!

The thing that stands out most is of course the whole spectacle of men inviting men, holding each other in their arms and then dancing. Belinda once said that dancing tango could give a hint of how one another is like during sex; whether the guy is gentle, if he waits for the lady or is he all about pleasing himself; whether the girl is appreciative, dependant on her partner or is she someone who is easily distracted.

One thing for sure, guy dancing with guy is exactly the indication of guy on guy sex. Its rough, direct, passionate and it packs a punch!

Exactly like the sex scenes in Brokeback Mountain!

More specifically the middle aged lady dancers.

Went to Lo de Celia milonga in the evening, after meeting and hanging out with my Buenos Airean friends, Cecilia and Will; Ceci and Will are warm and nice. Both level headed and mature. They know what they want and share the same future. Anyway they showed me around a bit. Its always good to have someone to turn to in a foreign land.

Back to Lo de Celia. Its a nice little nieghbourhood milonga. Compared to the posh Nino Bien and the young, vibrant, techno La Viruta, Lo de Celia has a community center for the middle aged feel. Similar to El Pial in terms of that, but in Lo de Celia, the atmosphere was much friendlier and they are more open to strangers. Less cliquish and you can see everyone dancing with everyone, instead of just amongst their small social circle.

I was still very unsure and hesitant to dance. I remember there was a time in Singapore, a few months after I started tango, where I would turn up for milonga but just sat watching throughout. My idea is that when I start to dance I want to be good. Not struggle in front of others and the lady. So I was at this corresponding stage in BA. Where I haven't proved myself to others and I. Not much confidence. I thought of just chilling out, enjoy Royce and Jean Michel's company, tango music and watching.

However, the above mentioned friendliness very quickly manifested itself. I was avoiding all eye contact and then an argentine lady sitting in front caught my eyes and asked, 'Bailar tango?' I had to take it, I felt my balls were on the line. Usually the men asks, now the lady is asking...

So Marie and I danced a tanda. And it felt great. There were more space compared to Nino Bien and I think I was more relaxed.

After Marie, I was so pleased I was ready to sit down. That was all I needed. One dance. Marie looked so happy after the dance. She was beaming up and down, 'muy bien, muy bien'. She even told me which milonga she is going tomorrow and asked me to go there! Soon two other ladies sitting in front of me asked me to dance. And Marie asked me to dance again. I was so embarrassed, I keep wanting to stop because I wanted to quit while I was ahead. I had very good dances so far and didn't want any bad dances to spoil my beautiful memory of the evening. But I also can't refuse the ladies. Then it just seem to be I am putting myself up to sell (old chinese saying).

All in all I had 7 tandas of dances, 2 each with the 3 portenos, and one with Royce.

There went my first dance with a porteno (Buenos Airean). I have to say I'm glad it was with Marie. She was an excellent dancer. Full of presence, grounded and feels the music in her soul. They must have heard it so many times every note is in their bones.

The most important thing I feel is this; the ladies, being just social dancers, might not have the most polished technique, best balance, most elegant postures, but...

They are there with you 300%, once in the embrace, they trust you with their life, to take them anywhere and do whatever stuff. They trust you to take care of them and enjoy the music and dance with them.

I think this is only in the ladies of Buenos Aires. Ladies from other places might have some elements of that, but they are also looking for you to give them interesting moves or techniques. Or interested in letting you show them off by making them dance beautiful moves.

Only the ladies of Buenos Aires, they just need you to feel the music; let the music move you, and take her along with you.

Lazy day, I was too tired to do anything. So I didn't take any classes, nor go to Club Sunderland as planned.

I was feeling abit blue. Had a dream last night about horfun from Singapore. So I decided to give myself a treat for lunch.

The beef is world famous. And the portions are european sized; the price is well, errrr villages of Nepal-sized. For 5SGD, you get a big fat juicy argentinean beef steak (size of two of your fist placed side by side no kidding), fries and coke. When you bite into the beef, its like a juice bomb just exploded in your mouth.

Juices exploding in mouth.... hmmmm....

Anyway, in Singapore, normally after a super big beef steak like this, I would feel any desire only about 2 weeks later. But later that night, Royce and Jean Michel bought me out for dinner and all I could think about is the big fat juicy sweet argentinean beef I had for lunch.

No prices for guessing what I had for dinner.

After the classes I went to La Badosa, the same place as in the film 'El Pial Susanna Tango Milonga'. It was very surreal being in a place that was on a silver screen, like you are one of the actors, or living out a dream you had yesterday night; very exciting.

It was full of calm dancing and family atmosphere. Predictably, it was quite cliqueish and closed. So we, being foreigners really felt like strangers. Royce and Jean Michel danced a few tandas amongst themselves and that was it. I like i wrote earlier in my blog, I was just exhausted. I almost wanted to lie down on the table and sleep. But I didn't do that as I was afraid to get thrown out of the milonga!

We left about 1 am and we swung over to La Viruta. Any sleepiness I had was eradicated at that place. When I reached, I hardly believed it was a tango place. Mambo number 5 was blasting and the crowd was jumping and swinging away! It is a disco club! Funky neon lights and wild gyrating.

Turned out that Royce and Jean Michel hated that place. Hard not to see why. As a tango place I wouldn't want to dance there. I saw many good and young dancers but they were all over the shop. doing wild moves and cutting the line of dance everywhere. I qualify.... what line of dance???

As a disco club I must however say that I saw many sizzling hot, young, slim and sexy argentinean babes.... whew....

Anyway we were there to see tango maestros Julio y Corina perform. They didn't disappoint. I wouldn't bother to use words to describe their performance. Only seeing it yourself would justify. No words... They did a tango, vals and milonga.

All these for 7 pesos (3.5 SGD), the only people in singapore that I know of, that have seen these couple performed had paid about 1k SGD to go to Taiwan for a tango festival last year.

Sigh, once again... tango wonderland.

Didn't know I could be so tired. I thought i'd never know how jetlagged feels like but I do now. I was so tired that at night Royce and Jean Michel took me to the famous El Pial milonga and I didn't dance! At one point I wanted to lay on my table and sleep. But I was afraid I would get chased out as it could be disrespectful!

Earlier in the afternoon, I attended my first tango classes in BA. The first one was by V.Inarra and partner. They are very similar to the Zotto style, stage tango. Their class was ok. Learnt some figures that can be useful in social dancing but I don't think our tango vision is similar.

The second class was amazing. By Jorge Firpo. It was tango salon style, which I am not very familiar. He started the class with some individual techniques, then explained a bit about the basis of a tango salon embrace. Then he taught his figures. Very interesting and applicable to the social dancing floor and he went on a great length to show us how to use the figures to play with the musicality, which is surprisingly easy to adapt to dramatic Pugliese or energetic D'Arienzo.

Once again I was inspired yet demoralised about the class. I once again experience the dissonance of learning. Something which I hadn't felt since Royce and Jean Michel's last private lesson. And many occasions I was struggling on stuff that I thought I was ok with.

I use to have Belinda or Royce with me when I was learning tango or practising. They are extremely good dancers and I could focus on my own learning. But here in BA I don't even have a fixed partner. I have to take care of some of the beginner dancers. Hopefully I find a good tango dancer to partner with soon. It'll really accelerate my learning.

Inspiration nevertheless. Just look at my teacher JOrge Firpo. He did an end of class demostration and it blew my mind away. Standing right in front of me is a maestro, not even the top top maestro, and he has already done some beautiful things that my mind couldn't fanthom. Its like learning how to play football with Diego Maradona.

What's more incredible is in Buenos Aires, there are many such top notch teachers around.

I plan to get down and scout around for teachers. Hopefully I settle down with 3 to 4 top notch teachers then stick to them for as long as I am able to get something out from them.

Royce and Jean Michel took me to Nino Bien at night.

At Nino Bien once again I wasn`'t sure I was going to dance, because I was quite intimidated by the surroundings. I thought about Belinda and that gave me a lot of courage, if I could make one of the best female dancers in Singapore happy, I should be able to do it here.

So I tried. Didn't want to botch my dance with Royce, so I warmed up with a first dance with a visiting friend of Jean Michel. She's a good dancer. I was pretty nervous and tense.

Well, have to plunge into the pull at sometime. So I did, with a side step I was away. Didn't feel too bad. The incredible thing was although I was very crowded, but everyone was well behaved. Kept their distance and navigated well. So as long as I don't come up with some crazy figures I was actually navigating quite comfortably.

It couldn't finish soon enough. I know myself. I was still quite tense. But as the saying goes the beginnning is always the hardest. In Singapore I'm used to dancing from the first song till the last. Didn't happen here though. But I was extermely happy. I danced 2 tandas each with three ladies, Royce, Noraiah and Melissa (both JM's friends).

Let me describe the experience. As the night went on and about 12pm it started to get really crowded. My space was at times half a meter by half a meter. And after one song we barely moved 10meters in the line of dance. I find myself stuck to very limited figures to express the music. Hence I need to use little things like walk, traspie, weight change to express the music. But because I'm not fine enough, my lead starts to become blur sometimes. THat's already on top of a prior one month training b4 i came to BA, i forced myself to dance in small spaces.

So I won't hurt the lady or make her feel bad during the dance. But i'm only dancing about 40% of my full capability. And that sucks.

But overall I'm very happy, at least the ladies had an enjoyable time, albeit plain. I remembered when i started tango 9 months ago, and I embarked on a series of private class with Royce and Jean Michel. They asked me whats my objective. I told them to be able to dance nicely, not great but at least make it comfortable for the lady, anywhere in the world. And here I am at the mecca of tango and i just did 6 dances in one of the most crowded place.

Unfortunately this former objective has been altered. Now I not only want to dance nicely I want to dance superbly. And that is still far faraway.

As I leave the milonga I had mixed feelings, happy and demoralised, yet inspired. Happy as said above. Demoralised as I saw about 70% of the dancers there dancing much better than me.

Inspired because if only it was the other way and I was dancing better than the other 70%, I would be very disappointed with BA. Probably return to Singapore the next month, instead of the planned 4 years haha.

Don't worry you guys, its fun to play catch up.

170806 1712 hrs (BA Time)

Milonga finally!!! at 'El Arrangue' 7 pesos!!! 5 minutes walk from my hostel! open at 3pm in the afternoon!! Am I in tango heaven or what?!

Classy modern entrance ala broadway. its everything I imagined it to be and more. Like the El Pial video. Old grannies and grandpas dancing. MOstly not super elegant, but dancing very nicely to the music. Intricate and full of musicality. They know the music by heart. THe pauses, rise and falls, sudden stops, ebb and flow.

My heart was beating quite wildly when I even considered trying to ask a lady to dance here.

Think the occasion got to me. Won't dance. I'll just sit here and soak the atmosphere and look and the granmas and grandpas who can hardly walk, but flying on the dance floor....

Upon landing, i was warmly welcomed by Cecilia and her mother.

They took care of everything and drove me to town from the airport. Saved me 69pesos cabfare. (2pesos is 1 SGD).

During the 1 hour car ride, Ceci and her mom orientated me to BA. We by passed Congresso, Casa Rosada and many other landmarks along the way.

What struck me is the majesty of the landmarks, interspersed with old shabby buildings.

Dragged my very heavy luggage (26kg) up to my hostel. Clean and nice with nice young receptionist. Not a lot of people. My 6 men dorm has only 2 other companions. Not around though.

Sorted out my luggage, put some clothes into the closet and then lugged my now heavier bag to Royce and Jean Michel´s place, which is 2 blocks, 5 minutes walk away.

I looked quite inconspicious during the walk to their place from my hostel, just imagine the only chinese walking on a rainy quiet steet with a big new luggage bag. Not the safest of choice.

No matter, 10 mins later I´m in their apartment. Missed them very much! Talking to them in their apartment again feels nice. Like those countless private tango lessons I had in their house.

They took me out for a nice dinner. The beef was fantastic. Llived up to the world famous hype! Juicy and tender. The portion is amazing, basically 3 of us ordered just one person´s share!

Shacked out by the flight, very much wanted to go and se a milonga but was really too tired. After the meal I could hardly keep my eyes closed.

But no matter I need a good rest anyway. Plus when i wake up tomorrow, I´ll be 5 minutes walking distance away from El Arrangue, whose milonga starts at 3pm afternoon.

I love BA!

160806 1435 hrs, BA time:
1.5hrs to BA, where the women are beautiful and the beef is famous. I'm just going to go with the flow and let things fall in place for the first 2 weeks.

No need to stress, everything is new and spontaneos. Let God lead the way.

The sun sets on the west and the plane is chasing the sun. Can´t catch it though.

Cape Town Airport: SA time 1000,}
I love airports, mini UN. Where else in the world can you see so many people of different nationalities joined in one common agenda?

Check in, check out.

160806 1551hrs
Cape Town Airport:

Smaller but as clean and modern as Jo-burg airport.

Saw the famous Table Mountain from the air. Amazing. Cape Town is a wonderful charming port city, with beaches that has crystal clear and cold waters. Idyllic old greek/italian seaport charm, ala the movie ´Cpt Corelli's Mandolin´. Feels like a place I would want to spend some time in.

Its one thing to see it on TV, another thing to see it live.

When you are finally free, everything, everyplace and every moment has its own charms, and you are in the primed state to discover them.

Why live life like how I did before? If the real life is free?

160806:
Jo-burg Airport:
I´m in South Afica(SA). Feel so exhilarated just to see so many africans. I feel almost like a hilly-billy just out from the hlls. Gasping at everything I see.

Airport looks modern and clean. Similar feel to Singapore and KL.

Saw one african boy trying to shake money/tissue out from a dispensing machine.... Modernity of the airport facade of society?

Red, green, and yellow hues all around. Giving the distinct SA feel.

Talked to a fellow passenger, Carlos (Argentinean) on the plane. Apparently, if you are skilled in spanish and chinese, it can easily land you a job in BA. At least for me, I only need to fulfil another half of this criteria.

Thank you Singapore.
Thank you freedom.

160806 0745hrs
Flight to Johannesburg:

My flight to Buenos Aires (BA) is like this: from Singpapore to Kuala Lumper, 2hours, transit at KL 2hours.
KL to Johannesburg 15 hours, transit at Jo-burg Airport 2 hours.
Jo-burg to Cape town 2 hours, transit at Cape Town Airport 2 hours.
Cape Town to Buenos Aires (Ezeiza Airport) 9 hours.

Currently, Singapore time 1608 0745hrs, South Africa time 0145 hours,

So I'm halfway through my flight from KL to Jo-burg. Couldn't sleep, had a sudden fear of plane crash, too young to die, too many things to do.

Woke up halfway through the night. Saw land and lights of small settlements! Land at last! Checked where I was, the plane route indicator showed we were flying over Madagascar!! Baby!!!

The world at my feet! this thought excites me to no end...

IThe plane took off from Changi Airport. I´ve quitted army and am on a 36 hour plane journey halfway round the world, Buenos Aires.

What transpired within this half a year that caused me to make such a decision?

That lengthy discourse is for another day.

But first, let me fill in on my adventure in Buenos Aires!

La Adventuras de Buenos Aires (sic)!

Like my sis said to me before I left, 'Kor, from now on every second is an adventure.'

I couldn't agree more....