Crossroads

I see Cacho Dante a lot nowadays wherever I go. Mondays and thursdays in his classes. fridays, saturdays and sundays nights in milongas.

I had the honour of observing how Cacho dances almost everynight in milonga and eliciting feedback from women who danced with him.

Cacho said on an interview, 'When they (milongueros of the past) didn't really know how to dance, they did 20 steps; when they knew a bit more, they did 10; and when they really knew what they were doing they danced 5... but with real quality.'

And it is with this philosphy he dances. He uses very very few steps. But he dances for himself and the women. A lot of other milongueros even the very good ones are taken over by their own choreography to the music and sometimes leads the woman into doing figures that can be technically challenging for the lady.

But the women who dances with Cacho are never asked to do something beyond them. I have never seen the ladies 'wake up' (open their eyes) from the dance with Cacho; from the beginning of the dance till the end, they are fully immersed in the embrace and dancing with a slight hint of a smile.

Cacho is very patient and a master of space. Even with couples side by side in front and behind him he never cause the ladies to get bumped, and yet still enjoy the music together. From what I can see, the one step he uses most is the ocho cortado and its variations. But then again the beauty of Cacho's dance lies in the unseen rather than the seen.

Royce, who dances a lot with him says his lead is clear, strong, yet light. And his rhythmic interpretation is superb. Hsueh Tze says the same thing; 'Cacho is very musical!'

If you think about it, to be able to interpret the music with such minimal amount of figures, especially rhythmic. How much interpretation is passed on then through just the embrace and the connection itself?? Its amazing! Thats a totally new level.

Through my very limited tango knowledge, it might have something to do with how he stretches the space between each beat and each step and then how he adds in subtleties inside them. So even just walking forwards he can interpret them to different music.

You dance your personality. Cacho is a humble, patient and a person of real true sentiments. He speaks about tango with a sparkle in his eyes. He is not concern about the perception of others. His tango is for all that are willing to listen.

And for him the dance is in its truest form. No flashiness, comfortable, a place where you take a break from the realities and hardwork of the world; Just two hearts listening and talking to one another.

In the words of Cacho, 'Guys, to dance tango, you must listen to the heart of the woman.'

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For more of Cacho Dante's take on tango, visit http://allseattletango.com/read/ for some excellent interviews from him.

Torture... bondage... anger... jealousy... hatred... lust... pride... impatience... greed... apathy... rage... frustration... ego... snuff... violence... pain... domination... fetish... scorn... arrogance... stubborness... fear ... complacency... laziness... fury... aggression... bloodiness... sufferrings... irresponsibility... hurt... selfishness...

Scream with horror...

Judge not.

Unless you are God.

Just when you think you are going places with your tango...

Had a private lesson today and had a couple of things corrected. Including my posture, the way I land my feet... Sigh... Another low. Didn't enjoy a lot in the El Beso milonga at all. Felt a lot of difficulty in carrying out the changes and integrating them into the dance. Was not able to listen or express the music at all.

It always feels like that after some difficult classes where your fundamentals are being changed... And now the worst thing is having so many teachers, I receive a lot of contradictory points. Of course I have all the best stuff from all these teachers too. But they also want different things, some wants the knees to be straight, some flexed, some want you to land flat footed, some heel first, some wants the hands high some wants it low... etc... and I think my technique is not stable enough yet to try to integrate them all.

Anyway its a tiring night. Hopefully tomorrow, the roller coaster ride is on the way up....

One of the magical thing about tango in Buenos Aires is the people come from all over world just to embrace and move together to the music from Argentina.

And during the one month that has passed, I danced not only with some very good dancers from Buenos Aires, I've also danced with some extremely good dancers from the rest of the world.

Ladies from Germany, Italy, England, Ireland, France, Yugoslavia (!), Australia, New Zealand, Chile, Brazil, Venezuela, USA, Japan, Taiwan, Hong Kong, and South Korea, these are off the top of my head now.

More specifically, the magic is this; for the duration of about 12 minutes (4 songs of about 3 minutes each), both of you, no matter where you are from, reveal to each other a deep deep part of your soul, for the music reaches within the deepest recesses of your heart.

If the dance is good, your souls connects and communicates, transcending language, age, race and other physical limitations.

If the dance is extremely good, you fall in love with the music and the dance you share, even if its just that 3 minutes, till the music fades.

How many times have you shook your head or grooved your body to a particular piece of music that appeals to you? Have you ever cried? Or smiled to a song? Now imagine being able move your body to these music in a meaningful way, and being able to communicate these emotions and musicality to a complete stranger whom you can't even speak 2 words with!!

When I move into an embrace and I dance, I can feel her and she can feel me. If she is tired, nervous, calm, relaxed or not concentrating. When we dance, she can even tell if I am dancing to the violin, if I am moved by the piano or the vocals.

Dreaming (yes thats a girl's name) a TV actress from South Korea, which I enjoy dancing very much, she says, 'I can understand if he is a beginner, if he can only walk, but I can't understand if he is not listening to the music. I feel so bad during the dance that I have to ask him to stop after 1 song!'

We can hardly speak to one another, yet when we dance, she knows exactly how I feel, if I am sad, or happy, at various parts of the music. And I know how she feels exactly too.

Thats the magic of close embrace tango.

When a south american lady approaches you in the middle of the busy Buenos Aires street and asks you directions; in spanish. And you give her the correct directions; in spanish.

21st of September.

Its spring day in Argentina. End of winter, beginning of spring.

Its also 'Students day' here. Also, on this day lovers will give their ladies flowers, like Valentines day in Singapore.

And today is a beautiful day; On the streets, the liveliness of Spring, joyfulness of students on holiday, and sweetness of love shown on the faces of all the ladies with flowers.

I'd like to take this opportunity to pray to God to bless everyone with a pure love deep in their hearts.

Low...

1830hrs at El Pibe Sarandi's Milonga con Traspie Class at Escuela Carlos Copello:

Felt like a bumbling fool, struggling with the steps and making the lady feel uncomfortable. Despite all my attention couldn't catch much of the steps. Feel so tired and wanted to quit the class halfway and go back home and sleep.

High...
2200hrs at Susanna Miller's tango milonguero class at El Beso:

Infused with music of Troilo and danced with an extremely good follower. Susana came up to me and asked me if I was a tango teacher in my country. Hah...

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Funny how inspirations come from different sources sometimes. I was feeling so down and lost after the milonga class in the evening. Then I read what Patrice Evra (footballer from Man U) said on a football website: 'Tomorrow is important, very important. Its a beautiful life.'

The next dance is important, very important. And tomorrow I'll be a better tango dancer than today.

I had a very interesting lunch with a self professed milonguero (Buenos Aires man who danced in milongas all his life).

I met his partner in a milonga and they invited me and HT to lunch the following sunday.

Somehow the conversation came to the codigas (codes) of the milonga. And some dirty secrets were revealed.

Well, most people who dances or reads about tango would probably know the basic codigas of a milonga (tango dance party). There are as follows;

1. Use cabeceo all the time when inviting people. Cabeceo is a form of eye contact; asking and agreeing.

2. Do not dance with the same person two tandas in a row because that will show that you are interested in him/her.

3. Usually you don't dance with someone who sits together with a partner unless the partner is actively dancing with other people.

4. Even when the partner is dancing with other people you need to acknowledge the partner when asking the other person to dance.

5. Everyone sees everything in the milonga, including who you enter and who you exit with.

6. They also see how well are you dancing. So even for a very good dancer, if you show that you are not on very good form that night, the top dancers would not dance with you.

When I first danced tango, I also did not want to dance with the women who had their boyfriends beside them. This is because I am did not want to cause any jealousy or tension amongst them. But the conversation today with the milonguero yielded very different explanations.

I quote, 'Because 80% of the milongueros want to fuck!!!' He explained that many people, good dancers included are prospecting for 'after dance' activities. In other words, many milongueros are dancing not purely for the dance itself. 'Zui weng zhi yi bu zai jiu' goes a chinese proverb; the heart of the drinker is not in the drink.

He went on further to say about how many milongueros despite being married and having a settled family still goes around looking for new young 'adventures' in the milonga. And his partner, the lady I met in the milonga further attested to this situation. She explained how countless of time very good milongueros told her how good a dancer she was and if she wants to partner them to perform or take classes from them; and all these turning out to be ruse for sex.

'All of them wants to fuck! Ladies too!' The milonguero enthuses. His partner rolls her eyes at the vulgar but frank statement. 'I can show you some ladies who have been fucking with at least 7 very good milonguero dancers! In the same milonga!'

He then relates a story where a well known milonguera danced with him everynight and sounding him out about getting together. Then one night when she finally gets it that it will not happen, she (in his words) 'crushed all her weight on him during the dance, destroyed him and never danced with him again.' 'You will be very rich if you get together with her.' He pointed to me laughing.

I find all these quite hilarious actually. The way his eyes sparkle when he talks about it.

Well, on some level I am probably already aware of this. Its like all bar or social scenes where men and women meet. Even in the Singapore scene. But I guess I kinda not try to think too much about it and focus on the dance. Plus being in the asian culture, we are not as forthright as this. But that's human nature isn't it?

Anyway so these are the hidden codes amongst codes.

1. Never dance a second tanda with someone on the same night, even if its seperated by many other tandas. If you do, means you want to fuck.

2. Never leave the milonga together with some other gal you danced with. If you do, means you guys going to fuck.

3. A coffee invitation after a milonga means he is interested in you, and if you accept means you are interested in him too.

4. A coffee invitation at his/her home always mean fuck!

But we all know that don't we.

(Apologies for all the uses of the f-word. But that was really how the conversation went.)

After one month of dancing in the mecca of tango, these are the changes in my dance.

1. Peace: The most important change is this newfound tranquility. Now when I move into the embrace with the girl, I feel nothing first, then I feel peace and relaxation within me. Then I feel her. Then I feel the music before we finally move off together. Throughout the dance, the main priority is to make the girl feel as calm and then maintain this calmness that both of us feel. Hence, now there is another aspect to manage, other than music, choreography, navigation and technique: emotions.

2. Smaller steps: The tight dancing spaces of BA has made me dance very small and lead very fine steps now. Its not always easy. But these small steps has also made leading fast, rapid and jabbing steps more economical.

3. Lesser figures: No space to lead fancy figures. I've cut out continuous giros (turns), secadas, back traspies almost completely. Nowadays in milongas, its more about doing the steps I am most confident with and then playing with the rhythm and magnitude of their marking (lead) also varying the directions that I lead them.

4. Patience: I used to dance with very good ladies in Singapore, with a lot of space so I can do many fanciful figures. But BA has thought me the importance of enjoying the music and the moment. So even dancing with lesser ladies now, I keep my dance simple and pleasant. The priority is for the lady to enjoy and not for her to have a physical or mental workout on the dancefloor.

5. Traspie: I use to do the traspie in milongas with a lot of upperbody movement, and the traspies are smooth. Nowadays after learning from Muma (El Flaco Dany's ex partner), I have very little upperbody movement, relatively straight legs and the trapsies are pretty sharp and jerky.

Well that's about all the major things that has changed. I believe more is to come, will be working hard.

Singaporeans grew up with their lives planned. Every step of the way. Primary school, secondary, junior college or polytechnique, university, work, start a family, die.

Before I came to BA I had a gathering with my friends. Somehow during the conversation I remarked, 'Wouldn't it be great if every step of the way is not planned and unknown to us?' Well, my friend on another blog wrote that he thought I was crazy to think like that. He needs concrete plans and security.

Well I prefer to see things like that: the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry. So I have an aim: To be the best tango dancer I can be and also to find the limits of my intellectual capacity. In the army, going through SOF selection I have already see where my physical and mental limits lie. Now its time to move on.

With this aim in mind. Then by channeling and aligning all my efforts towards this aim, I will reach it eventually.

In anycase it is true I don't have concrete plans before I came to BA. The two aims were 1. To learn Tango from the best. 2. To study sufficient spanish to let me get to a local university. Its been exactly a month since I arrived, and these are the developments.

1. To learn tango from the best: I came knowing next to nothing. Now after trying more than 20 teachers, I've settled down into 4 (pairs) of very good teachers; Cacho Dante and Rosana Devesa, Ana Maria Schapira, Muma, Jorge Firpo. I take classes mainly from them but I'm still hunting for teachers, albeit at a slower rate. The next teachers I'm trying out with are Tete, Osvaldo Natucci, Osvaldo y Coca, Carlos Perez, El Pibe Sarandi and El Flaco Dany.

On the milonga (social dancing) scene, I've also settled down into some sort of pattern. Usually friday nights I stay at Salon Canning after Schapira's class. Saturdays I go to Maipu 444, and sundays I stay at Porteño y Bailarin after Muma's class. During the weekdays I don't go for night milongas but I go to afternoon milongas at El Arrangue sometimes.

I've attended so many classes and milongas that I see many familiar faces all the time in milongas. Dancing with these friends can fill up 50% of my time already. And then by having nice dances with these people, other strangers who have been observing are quite receptive to my invitation.

I remember at Maipu 444, reputated the highest level of social dancing in BA on saturday afternoons, my second visit there (yesterday), I noticed a lady that danced pretty well and having lots of good dances. I tried to look her way (cabeceo) to invite her. I know she's aware but she just ignored me. After observing me (i'm aware she is looking) for a few dances, about half an hour later, she finally acknowledge my cabeceo and we had a pretty nice dance.

2. To study sufficient spanish so that I can get into a local university:

That is also to prolong my stay in Buenos Aires. I have been learning spanish at a tourist school who charges quite expensively. Well just last week I went to University of Buenos Aires, and they have a relatively cheap spanish course starting mid october and finishing early december. So the education part is settled at least for the time being.

With tango and spanish settled. Then now the main issue is living in Buenos Aires. 1. Housing and 2. visa.

1. Housing. I am paying 300SGD per month at a cheap hostel. I have my own room and the place is decent with good amenities. The location is superb. I stay 10 mins walk away from 5 major milongas. I'm very contented at this place. I meet people from all around the world and thats pretty exciting.

The receptionist (guy) from the hostel recently asked me if I want to share an apartment with him. The rent is 600 pesos (300SGD) split both ways. If the deal goes through I will be able to half my current month rent. Which is great. We'll see about that.

2. Visa. About that, its the most tricky thing. Most people advocate going to Uruguay, which is a short 2 hour ferry ride away. Go through the customs and re-enter Argentina to get a 90 days new pass. But the thing is I need a visa to enter Uruguay. I will have to find out more for the visa application to Uruguay. If not here are several options.

a. Go to Chile. Its 48hrs bus ride away, but I don't need visa for that.

b. Go to immigration office for extension. Apparently you need to pay quite a large sum of money.

c. Stay as an illegal immigrant.

d. Marry an Argentine girl. Still working on it.... (just kidding!)

But in anycase I met someone from tango who is willing to 'sponsor' me a working position in his company. That will mean I am now able to apply for permanent residence papers. But the entire process may take up to 6 months. So that is a long term plan, not the short term solution which I need.

Well, these are the plans for now. So there is no one rigid and concrete plan. Because every breathe and step I take is towards that goal; its like the river doesnt follow only one rigid and concrete path, but all the different pathways and tributaries that leads it to the sea.

Remember when I just arrived I wrote about $5SGD big juicy beefs steaks (disappearing 6 packs). It keeps getting better!!

I just discovered a place right beside my hostel where it says 'Tenedor/ Parrilla Libre'. I walk pass it all the time not knowing what it means. But since then I've come to understand it 'libre' means 'free', 'parrilla' means 'bbq' and 'tenedor' means 'fork'. And those were eat all you can BBQ buffets!

So I went to try it with Cibele and Luciana. And it was awesome! We ate and ate and ate. Beef steaks, chicken steaks, pork steaks, fish, fried eggs, fried calamari, french fries, dessert, dulce de leche... blah blah blah....For 8.5 pesos (4 SGD, or 2.5USD)!!!

At the end of the meal I think I ate like 3 beef steaks amongst other things (open your two palms wide and place them side by side: this size). hahaha. Best meal I had since Royce and Jean Michel left.

Oh guess what. This very enterprising buffet business? Owned by chinese. In fact a lot of these parrilla buffet restaurants.

A few years ago, from the world of tango emerged two young shining stars, the lady was sharp, beautiful, fast and sizzling hot, the guy was elegant, agile, calm and understated; together, they made the nostalgic and romantic music of Francisco Canaro popular again. Their dancing, with a milonguero close embrace, showed the world you don't need gymnastic type movements to wow the audience. You just need love. The couple and lovers were Geraldine Rojas and Javier Rodriguez.

Fast forward till today, they have since separated and found their new dancing partners each. In Buenos Aires, I was fortunate enough to catch Geraldine Rojas performing live in a milonga club called El Beso.

That was a friday night, I just finished a fantastic class with Ana Maria Schapira in Salon Canning. The milonga that followed in Salon Canning was going great. Hsueh Tze was there and I saw many familiar faces whom I knew were good dancers. But I couldn't possibly miss a live performance by Geraldine. So regretably I left Salon Canning and went to El Beso.

I reached El Beso about 12 midnight and I couldn't believe the crowd there. it was a paltry 10 people. El Beso was not known for friday nights milongas. I mean I've been there on sundays and the place is packed. But on a friday night there were more established places to go. However, Geraldine is performing, surely that'll pull a crowd...

130am and Geraldine finally arrives with her new partner, Ezequiel Paludi. Geraldine is a beauty. If Claudia Codega is the ice queen, then Geraldine oozes youthful exuburance and red hot sensuality, without overboarding to crassness.

The performance started at 2am. To a pathetic crowd of 15 people. That wasn't bad enough. The performance was disappointing. With Ezequiel, Geraldine lost that special something. Javier was very fine and elegant. Very often he is so fine that he fades into the background and Geraldine comes roaring to the fore. When they performed 'Poema' in Taipei tango festival 2004, their love and musicality entralled everyone.

But Ezequiel is not that fine. Geraldine is still doing all the awesome embellishemnts and super sharp footwork. But to me it feels like she is trying to make Ezequiel look good. The subtlety and musicality is gone.

At the end of the day, I was a bit disappointed and also feeling sad that we'll never see Geraldine and Javier dance again. Even if one day they do, it'll never feel or look the same. Because they had danced with love. Nada mas.

Most Singaporeans are brought up to say no to strangers. Or at least I was. I remember when I was a kid, my mom would be like, 'Don't take that sweet from the stranger... don't smile at the strangers...' Of course that's good advice. Probably saved me from a fate of being kidnapped and shipped to beg in Cambodia.

Then I got to know Kelvin Yeh during my years in Kent Ridge Hall, National University of Singapore. He came from California, USA on a one year exchange program. We clicked and hung out together a lot. He always, always said yes, not to complete strangers, but even people he rarely knew. 'Want to go check out this movie Kelvin?, Sure!... Want to go on a weekend backpack in Thailand Kelvin?, Sure!... Want to go for a run (2am in the morning) Kelvin? Sure!'

He was spontaneous and easy going. From him, I realised that in life, we seldom regret the things we've done. but we always regret the things we didn't.

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I was chilling out yesterday (saturday) morning in my hostel in Buenos Aires. Another lazy weekend. Then these two brazilian lady travellers, Cibele and Luciana, who just checked in two nights ago. They were decked out in running gear and they asked me, 'Want to go for a run?' I was so relaxed and feeling so lazy, plus I didn't know them and the weather was too cold. 'Next time maybe.' I said. Then one of them said, 'Well, its ok... you have a sedantary life.' It was a jostle but then it kinda hit me. Why not? I'm always game for a run. There are one million reasons to say no, but you only need one to say yes.

We went for a run and during the run we chatted a bit. Then I found out they are in Buenos Aires to run a half marathon, this coming sunday morning(today!), which I had no idea about. 'Would you like to join us?' They asked. Hahaha running for fun? are you kidding? Of course!

So my weekend transformed from a lazy one and culmilated with a big annual half marathon where I had a superb view of the city, running through the antique looking Congresso area to the ultra modern Puerto Madero. I was probably the fastest and only chinese running together with a few thousand latinos, mostly brazilians and argentines.

Oh yeah I finished in 1hr 45mins. Not too bad considering the total distance I ran for the past 3 weeks was less than 20km.

Just because I said 'yes'.

Even in Buenos Aires, a place of highest tango dancing level, where there are many famous and excellent teachers; many unknown yet still excellent teachers. There are plenty of pretenders.

To a student, like me, a good teacher has to have the following criteria, specific to teaching tango (the dance) but applies for all fields of instruction.

1. Knows tango inside out:
Well versed in the theory behind tango and from different angles. So he would be able explain clearly and more importantly anticipate different problems faced by the students.

2. Has a lot of social dancing experience:
Argentine tango is a social dance, you want to teach students who would eventually be dancing socially, you better have a lot of practical experience. Because some things can only be learnt by dancing socially. Navigation of the dancefloor, musicality, how to adjust to different followers, etc.

3. Knows his students:
He must have a keen eye to judge the students' dancing level and also learning capacity. Only be this way he will be able to teach the appropriate material, at the appropriate pace.

4. Able to communicate effectively:
After having a solid foundation in tango, knowing your students, the next thing to have is to able to transmit this knowledge to them. To bring about your points clearly, that would be dependant on your own communication skills. Also to have a clear and planned cirriculum and also class structure. That way the students can learn things step by step.

5. Recognize that tango is an more an art than science:
There's is no one true and universal way to walk, no one true and universal way to embrace. No one true and universal way to dance. Its an art. It is unique to each and everyone. This is difficult because a balance must be struck to ensure uniformity in instructions but also allow flexibility for each individual. At the end of the day, even explaining the same concept needs differing explanations to different people.

6. Have genuine passion and care for students:
Above all, if the teacher has this genuine care to nuture the best out of his students, everything else would follow.

To sum up, know the subject well and be able to pass it down.

So its not easy to be a teacher. Even harder to find a good teacher. Pretenders however, are abound.

From my own personal tango journey, taking classes from various teachers. These are things I've encountered from pretenders. These are the consequences of their actions (besides sucking money from us) which I experienced personally or from other students.

1. Lack of knowledge; People who have no clue what they are teaching.

Personal experience: Teacher putting on a 'milonga' music when asking her students to practise 'tango'.

2. Lack of social dancing experience; People who are teaching figures not suitable for social dancing.

Personal experience: Granted you have some students who are looking to stand on the big stage one day and perform. Most tango students are looking just to enjoy the embrace and the music. As a consequence of their teaching, you have people getting hurt in milongas from big back steps, crazy boleos (flying kicks) and secadas (more flying kicks).

3. Lack of judgement of students' level, People teaching way above students level.

Personal experience: Instead of learning things in a comfortable pace, no learning takes place due to everyone struggling for their dear lives and balance just to do that crazy step. Eventually when the students finally does something that looks like what was being taught, it is with super bad posture, bad balance and of course 30minutes after the class ends, they will never be able to do it again. I personally have hurt a fellow dancer trying to practise back secada on her, just after 2 months of dancing. I blame both myself and the teacher who taught it.

4. Lack of ability to communicate effectively.
The strange thing is I have no problem in this area. All the classes I attended so far are in a language I can't understand. But I'm doing ok haha. But there are some teachers who arrive in the class, spends 30 seconds thinking of a figure on the spot and starts to teach it.

5. Rigid in style.
I understand some teachers have the mentality of if you want to attend my lessons, then you must learn my style. And no qualms with that. Its a free world. But to beginners who don't know the existence of many other styles, or not aware of the personalization of tango, they would become as dogmatic as the teachers and as a result be stuck in a small world of their own.

6. Lack of real passion and concern for the students; Some just want your money and in Buenos Aires, many are just riding on their fame.

Personal experience: Teacher demonstrates a complex figure 3 times and goes out for 15 mins ciggaratte break.

In Buenos Aires its not easy to tell the difference. But fortunately I have a sufficiently solid foundation given by my very good teachers (Royce and Jean Michel) back in Singapore, to distinguish from the teachers and the pretenders.

I'm still in the process of trying out different teachers. Some I like instantly, others I had to walk out in the middle of the class. Hopefully I will be able to come out with a short review in the future, for the benefit of whoever is interested.

When I arrived Buenos Aires three weeks ago, it was greyish everywhere. Greyish builidings, greyish skies, barren parks and leafless trees, everyone walking around with black overcoats. It was winter.

I woke up this morning and took a walk on the streets and can't help but notice a change. Its as if a painter splashed some colours on the dull canvas. He added green to the trees and park; made the sky blue again, dotted the streets with bright colours on people. Yellow and orange big umbrellas setup outside cafes, the walkways littered with people enjoying a sip of cafesito. The city looks more cheerful, brighter and younger.

The harshest of winter has passed, and spring is arriving.

Like the colours of Buenos Aires. I'm settling down fine; everyday is a better day.

When I said I want to go to somewhere where I am the only chinese guy, to be totally different from everyone, I'm certainly in the right place. The only place I find chinese here is the supermarket; the chinese owns most of the supermarkets here . Want to see a chinese? Go to the nearest supermarket...

Till now, although I've been sticking out like a sore thumb everywhere I go, I haven't feel any discrimination yet. Till today.

I was in a tango class, paired up to practise giros with this posh looking middle aged lady.

Posh looking middle aged argentine lady (P) : 'Where are you from?'
Non posh looking teenage looking chinese guy (Me):'Singapore'.
(P) :'China?'
(Me):'No...Singapore...
(P) :'Thailand?'
(Me):'Nope. Singapore! China on top, followed by Thailand, Malaysia and then here.. Singapore...'
(P) : (Smugly) 'I know China, but I don't know Singapore'
(Me) : ...

Ok fine, no one's perfect. I started to move into a milonguero close embrace and she felt so stiff and pushing so hard with her arms.

Ok fine, another one of them who can't dance close embrace. Your choice. I moved into open embrace. When the giro practise started, she began to pull me around doing all sorts of big back steps and crouching position.

(P) : Use your hands more!
(Me): ...
(P) : You are too stiff! This is vals!
(Me): ....
(P) : Try to be on the music!
(Me): ......!!!!

Inside I was churning mad. Luckily Firpo the teacher came and took over. I think some other lady could see it too and she came and dance with me. Perfect! we moved in close and giros with no major problems.

But I had to stop and think what possessed the woman to make such comments. Definitely she thinks she is a superior dancer and I am an inferior one. Because I look young? Because I'm chinese??

Later on I see her happily struggling away with another caucasian beginner dancer. Closing her eyes and enjoying the bad posture etc...

At night it happened again. At Alicia Pons class, she was teaching stuff way above her students' level of dancing. No disrespect to Alicia Pons, her footwork and control is amazing! She must have been a top ballet dancer. Even I can't move around standing on one feet on my own and doing these beautiful adornments with her free leg. But she can and she is teaching her students those stuff!

So once again I partnered with a posh looking middle aged lady, way over her head. We were doing subtle ocho exercises in practise hold (her hands on my shoulders and my hands not touching her); pivot, step, pivot, step, pivot, step.

She starts doing pushing herself doing her own pivots without waiting for my lead. Then when I'm marking the steps she just looks at me bewilderly.

Assistant teacher comes over and asks her whats up. 'I can't feel his lead...'. After a few demos she corrects her. She said ok. But I can see from her face she is not convinced.

So wats up again? Youngish looking (I look young but I'm 4 years to 30!)? Chinese? Generalization... Later on once again I see her dancing with a fellow porteño, bad posture and weird leading. But having a ball of a time.

The icing to the cake happened at night when travelling back to my hostel on MRT.

A limping beggar enters, started to pass tissue papers around, and also a small note that must contain some plea for help.

One by one he passed the tissue and note and asked for money. Then he came in front of me. Took a look at me, paused, and then proceeded to continue asking the person sitting beside me.

WTF??!! Prejudiced against by a beggar?? I can't help but find that extremely funny.

Recycling of rubbish is a natural occurence in Buenos Aires. There is a part of the society that participates very actively in it.

There are rubbish bins everywhere, and Buenos Aireans (porteños) do a good job of utilizing them. In the day and most parts of the night, Buenos Aires is very very clean. Clean like Singapore. Now thats very very very clean.

But deep into the night, around 12 midnight onwards, you will see rubbish appearing everywhere, especially near the rubbish bins; greyish, sticky trash that was accumulated from the day and night, all strewn on the ground on the walkways.

I couldn't understand this at first and I thought it must be just one or two bins. But then I found out it was every single bin on the streets where I walked!

Even in this cold cold winter season, along the streets you can see the homeless rummagging through the bins, the collected trash put outside the restaurants, outside other peoples' homes.

Then about 2am in the morning, big rubbish trucks and street cleaners with a big sign 'CILBA' (probably means Cleaning It Late Buenos Aires ) appears and leaves the wherever it goes spick and span again; for the people that have never been out at late nights, its like nothing ever happened.

6am in the morning, Buenos Aires is once again very very very clean.

It won't be wrong to say my life is shaped by women.

Of course the number one woman in my life is my mom. When I was young, when my dad use to hit me, she was always there to ask him to stop. Of course I was so bad that soon she started hitting me too...hahahaha.

She's always there no matter how bad or good I am. She's always there no matter how crazy my ideas are. When I wanted to go overseas to study, she supported me. Even though she knew nothing about tango nor Argentina, and would be much happier if I went to other more established universities.

To a son who hasn't repaid much of her faith, she continues to believe. I don't know why... Maybe that's what Mom's do.

The second person that shaped my life, albeit in a more naive way, was Grace. She was the girl I fell in love with from the age of 12 to 19. We never did got together. But I joined chinese drama club, track and field and went to the same junior college, took the same subjects as her. Just because I wanted to be closer to her. She'll never know, but I've always thought that by being in the same school and activities as her, I can send her home everyday and then you know, something might happen... like in the movies. Haha.

Grace is now one of my best girlfriend. She is in a long term relationship and I wish her all the best in life.

From early to mid 20s, I was truely and deeply in love with Gene. My first girlfriend. My idea of love was just to fall in love once and forever. Although we eventually parted, Gene gave me that forever feeling. From the first day till the very last of our relationship, I firmly believed we would go all the way, grow old together till we leave this earthly life. Others may not be able to understand this feeling, and I don't think I myself understand or would ever feel like this again. But this was truely a extraordinary gift from her to me.

Those years were truely blissful and I was contented.

By leaving me, she also set me free. So from the age 24 onwards, though I was burdened with heartbreak, but I was also free. Free as an individual to pursue my own direction. Deep down, I believed thats why she left me; to let me go.

In the last half a year or so, I got to know 'B' (confidential ). She showed my heart how to love again. Physical wounds can heal but emotional scars are forever. But 'B' managed to mend and warm my heart and I fell in love again. She also set me free, free from my emotional burdens.

One needs the opportunity to fall to learn, but one also needs someone to help him to stand from a very bad fall. 'B' did just that.

Behind every successful man there is a woman, I wouldn't know that. But behind this journeyman...these are the women that showed him the way.

On the back of a bout of flu, I climbed of my bed, feeling the effect of dry throat. Although much better, my muscles are still aching.

No matter, better not miss too many tango classes. I already missed friday. Need to catch up. So I went to tango brujo (wizard) for some nuevo tango classes. I've come to realise in order to get ahead of nuevo tango, one needs a fellow lady who is a former dancer or can really control her body well. As such I'm going spend most of my efforts on the milonguero style.

The evening saw me travel about 30 mins on cab, out of town, to a neighbourhood place called Abasto, to take classes from Sandra y Eduardo Arce. Nice people and dancers, but their tango salon are sprinkled with stage effects and thats not what I wanted. Darn, spent 30 pesos (thats 3 beef barbecue buffets!) all in all just to travel here and back.

Back in my hostel now 11pm at night I thought hehe its time for saturday night fever. All decked out in my Hugo Boss suit and tie, I search for the nearest most happening milonga...here it is.. La Argentina Milonga, just 10mins walk away.

Out in the cold windy night I can't help but walk in a swagger. Feeling very good about myself and determined to enjoy the night.

Reaching La Argentina, I noticed the ushers and the receptionist were beaming at me, more so than usual. Must be my suit then.... probably never imagined a Hugo Boss suit on a chinaman had ya?

The door opened to the smoky interiors filled with old grannies and grandpas. Well, the best milongueros are this age, I'll have a good time... Or so I thought...

The tango music lasted for 2 tandas and then 45 mins of rock and roll, salsa follwed. I sat glumly in my chair looking supremely out of place, in terms of race and age. No matter, I'll wait for the tango to come. So finally a vals tanda came on. Right, here's vals (argentine waltz), my moneymaker...

I nodded to the nearest granny to me and then we went to the dance floor. I was acutely aware of the eyes on my. They must be thinking wtf is this young chinese boy dancing here?? Well, lucky you old granny in gold shiny dress....

What followed can only be described as the worst dance of my life. She was stiff, not even comfortable in close embrace. Its almost as if she doesn't want to dance with me. I had so much trouble moving her I almost had to stop and check if she had crutches on... After awhile I thought to myself I must be dancing ballroom tango, because I was moving her legs with my own legs!

After 4 valses, she totally took my vals mojo.... And she looked kinda pissed that it was my fault the dance sucked! No matter. Its my fault. I should checked around for good dancers.

Yet, another 45 mins of rock and roll, salsa came on... The people boogied and I once again sat glumly at my table, this time feeling worse because I'm now without my vals mojo.

I refused to give up and now a dramatic Pugliese came on. Once again determined to make my night, I nodded to the nearest lady (yes granny). Once again, I struggled through 4 Pugliese... I was ready to dance my heart to the old maestro orchestra... But she? she couldn't even wait for me to change weight.

What's is wrong??? In the midst of self pity and reflection and talking to the hombres (grandpas) sitting around me, I finally realised that this is not a tango milonga, this is more of a social dancing night where people come and dance different dances, and tango is just one of them. WTF!!

Immediately I decided to leave and who cares its 230am in the morning. I have to dance. I took a cab and drove down to La Confiteria Ideal. Its all you man La Ideal, make my night... When I reach there it was closed... the last granny was leaving the place.

And so I went back to my hostel wistfully... All dressed up and nowhere to go. But I also know I can't sleep on the back of two such dances. Well, they say milongueros are slave to the dance. I may not be a milonguero but I'm not about to go to bed feeling this violated.

So at 330am in the morning I took a cab and tried a coup de grace, last ditch effort at El Beso. I reached El Beso, and the familiar music was playing, the familiar dancing figures and feeling was back. I spotted Diana, my italian friend from Cacho's class. A vals came on and we danced a tanda.

I didn't dance anymore that night after that vals tanda... but I got my vals mojo back... thank God...

To all my fellow tango friends and people who are interested to know about argentine tango.

These are some articles by Cacho Dante and they really speak to my heart.

http://allseattletango.com/read/

All through my years, I was told I had talent and potential. When I was in primary school, I was lazy, mischevious, cheated, untidy, late in homework, late in class, generally a hassle to teachers. But they all said I was smart.

So was the case for secondary school, and then university.

So was the case for wushu (martial arts), track and field, etc, and now tango.

And of course I'd always remember fondly that in the army, former SOF commander once told me I had potential.

But I've never thought myself to be particularly talented. Because I have seen talented people myself in all the activities I've participated in. In school, the super smart people, who aced every exams, unlike me who keeps hitting the lows. In wushu, Tingxi who always get the moves right away, without even trying. Track and field, table tennis, muay thai, gymnastics, soccer (Weilun thats you), jazz, ballet, magic (Ah Kai), rockclimbing (Jay), marathon (brother thats you), acting (Anthony), emceeing (Nick the dick), milonga (Jean Michel y Royce)...

And here in Buenos Aires, I see super dancers everyday. But to be talented is something extra, among the characteristic is the ability to get there much faster than other people; Just today, I saw 2 great talents.

In Firpo's men's technique class, he was teaching enrosque. There was african italian (sic), built like a 400m runner, he looked like a beginner, very stiff in his posture etc... But when he was doing the enrosque, whoosh! Grace, smoothness, balance and elegance, whilst the rest of us (including me) are struggling with the pivot. Firpo was so surprised he asked him to go to the front of the class to demonstrate!

The second talent I saw was in Cacho Dante's class. I went late and everyone was already dancing. Immediately I saw this lady, holding her apilado (milonguero lean) posture like a professional. The posture and the way she moves her hips and legs looks exactly like the teacher, Rosana's. When I danced with her she felt smooth and relaxed, her following was calm and balanced. I thought she must be a fellow teacher or assistant teacher. When she told me how long she took tango, my jaw dropped...only the beginning of this year. Less than 9 months!

Now that's talent.

Queridos amigos,

¡Buenos Aires es hermosa y muy grande! Tengo muchos amigos en los tango y hostal. Karen y Adi son de Israel. Gulliermo es porteño. Cacho Dante y Jorge Firpo son mi tango profesors. Porteñas muchas lindas! Bailan tango muy bien. Muchas milongas en la noche!

Hasta la proxima carta. Saludos!

Pathetic display of 3 days worth of spanish lesson...