Crossroads

Is love like a jug of water? Everytime you love, a little gets poured out until one day it might be empty?

Or is love like four seasons, every passing love; spring, summer, autumn then winter. But every spring as blooming as the last?

I wonder and I thought I knew...

Searching the internet for nice places to bring your date can be quite difficult, especially in Singapore, where majority of the public sentiments and reviews are based on quality of food; whereas I need more than food, I need the mood too.

And out of necessity, I'd try my hand in giving some reviews for nice places to bring your dates.

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Ambience
Decked out in red hues, dim golden lights, luxurious golden and purple sofas, the 1827 Thai Restaurant ( www.1827thai.com.sg )gives off a very sensual and intimate feel at first sight.

The tables lined up at the corners of the restaurant are ideal for a little intimate dinner with your date. Dimly lit with table candlelights; the seats lusciously cushioned; beaded curtains cover each table, giving off an additional sense of privacy.

Food
The restaurant offers authentic thai cuisine and also a list of modern updated dishes for example 'New Age Curries'.

Those familiar with Thai food would not find very authentic Phad Thai, Tom Yum Goong or Thai seafood. Instead they would find interesting, nevertheless tasty, contemporary creations of the in house chef.

I had a '1827 signature chicken'. The chicken was succulent and flavoured with teriyaki-like sauce. My date had a 'Braised Cod' which was even more delicious; fresh cod meat that melts in the mouth with a slight hint of wine.

Service
The waiters are flown in directly from Thailand; what could you expect from the people who grew up in the land of a thousand smiles? Top class.

What I Like Most
Set in the serene and classy Art House, the laid back, peaceful and cozy atmosphere is definitely what attracts me the most. The red, black and gold colours remind me of the sensual room 2046 of the movie 'In the Mood for Love'. It is the perfect place for an intimate, quiet candlelight meal just for the two of you.

What I Like Least
With the location and the decorations of the restaurant, the restaurant has the perfect setting to attract lovers. But the majority of the tables at the perimeter are big multi seaters for large gatherings. Also they are arranged very close to one another. As such there is an inconsistency in the table arrangements; The area with the ideal mod for a private dinner for two are either occupied with tables for large families or the tables for two are too close to one another, taking away the carefully cultivated intimate, sensual atmosphere.

Memorable Incident
Last year ixidanza wanted to hold her inaugural outdoor milonga and this restaurant was almost selected, but the floor was not ideal as it was part concrete and marble.

My lovely date made the dinner very special too...

Overall Rating
3.5 out of 5. With just a little tweak in the seating arrangement, this place can be truly memorable.

In one of my favourite love comedy, 'Love Actually', Karen (Emma Thompson), confronted his cheating husband Harry (Alan Rickman). The following exchange happened:

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Karen: Tell me, what would you do in my position?

Harry: What position is that?

Karen: Imagine your husband bought a gold necklace and come Christmas gave it to somebody else...

Harry: Oh, Karen...

Karen: Would you wait around to find out
if it's just a necklace,
or if it's sex and a necklace,
or if worst of all it's a necklace and love?
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Indeed, in a relationship, when do you cross the line to cheating on your current partner? I think one fundamental undisputable factor is you must be are doing the act behind your partner's back. For your actions to be considered cheating, you need to be doing something, whatever that is, and keeping your partner in the dark about it.

The second and not so clearly defined factor in a cheat, is then the act itself. Is visiting a strip club considered cheating? Hugging a beautiful lady friend? Exchanging sweet messages with your female colleague? Flirting? Kissing? Sex? How about having true feelings towards another person then?

We could go through the infinite list of actions one by one and I think there probably would be vastly differing opinions and yardsticks. Let us then take the perspective from the commonly agreed dichotomy of a relationship between two people; physical and emotional; Sex and love.

From the perspective of a pure physical act, the line could be seen more clearly. On the lightest end of the spectrum, staring at a beautiful girl walking past is generally not considered cheating. Neither is embracing someone. Staring at a naked body in person or over the internet would not be cheating too. A peck on the cheek would not be cheating. Receiving a lapdance, the line starts to grey a bit. Kissing on the lips would be cheating, unless you have a really good reason. On the other end of the spectrum, sexual activity would be clearly cheating, even if you are Clinton and cigars were used in the process.

So if only pure physical reasons are involved; an act of hotblooded horniness. Then the seriousness and extent of the act would define if it is cheating. I think most people have a common agreement on the validity of the cheat on the two sides of the spectrum. Then at the grey areas, different people would have their personal judgement.

However when emotions are factored into the equation, then things start to get a little muddled. Can we call someone who harbours a deep secret love for another person a cheater? If he or she who has these feelings but not acted on them yet, it is clearly they are not cheating on their partner. They are most certainly cheating themselves, but because no one other than themselves have known it yet, then they are cheating on no one else.

But if the feelings they have for the third party is manifested as actions towards that person, then could we say they have cheated? A completely non physical act, for example, saying 'I love you' to a third party, is that cheating? Saying 'I love you' to another person behind your girlfriend's back; that would naturally be cheating.

Hence cheating could exist alone on the emotional level. Does it have a spectrum and a line, like the physical cheat then? From as light as a crush, to having deep feelings towards another, is there a line too?

To really find out if there really exists such a line, let us isolate the different emotional levels from the physical actions. We will just take one single physical act; confession to the third party. Saying 'I love you' is the most serious extreme of the spectrum; and would be considered cheating no doubt. How about saying 'I like you'? Or 'I find you attractive'? Would those be considered cheating then?

Personally, the more I look and think about it, the more I cannot see a line for the emotional cheat. If you feel strong enough about the other person to tell that person, then the integrity of our feelings to the original partner had been compromised. And whereas the innocent embrace, peck on the cheek, surfing porn and other physical actions could be rationalized away with primal urges. Emotions and feelings, it includes something that is heartfelt and more profound. So I hold the opinion that for an act that demonstrates feelings, it is more often than not, all or nothing. Therefore, an act driven by real sentiments and emotions, however non physical or 'light' it might be, is considered cheating; it could be the delicate, but loving, touching of fingers, it is still cheating.

With this, I am also assuming that on a pure emotional level, the guy or girl will never confess to a third party if it is just a crush on the other person. A purely emotionally motivated cheat would have to be driven by a deep feeling.

But the complexity of a human relationship is often not such clear cut; both physical and emotional factors are involved in our actions. We often cannot separate the two entities. An infatuation, plus a physical attraction is all you need in a cheat; there are often different degrees of these two factors involved. One must make his/her own judgement call. But it is also easy to see why a cheat with more emotions involved is more serious and could hurt so much more.

This little musing is not about the morality of cheating. It is about when do we know if we have crossed the line of cheating. I used to think it is the worst thing in the world, and only evil morally corrupted people do it. But now I am not so sure anymore. Sometimes, things happen because they are meant to happen and maybe there are no clear judgement of right and wrong?

To end it all, as Bryan Ferry sings, "You must remember this, a kiss is still a kiss, a sigh is just a sigh. The fundamental things apply, as time goes by..." The fundamental thing, which has no grey area; is that if you really love someone, you would not want to hurt the person nor do be dishonest. You would never ever have to cheat, if you have done everything in goodness towards your love and done nothing to hide.

I recently wrote about tango in Singapore, for a Singapore based spanish ezine call Las Lilas ( www.laslilasschool.com ), and with their kind permission, I was able to publish the article on my blog.

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Argentine Tango

Mention Tango and the common image conjured in people's minds would often involve elegant tuxedos, long flowing dresses and... a rose. But Argentine Tango must not be mistaken with its ballroom variety, where the music is staccato and the dancers separate from the waist up, due to the Victorian European high society influences.

Born in the 1920s from the port and slums of Buenos Aires Argentina, tango was a dance of the prostitutes, gangsters and sailors; the dancers embracing tightly chests to breasts, feeling one another out before sealing the deal. The music and lyrics were just as unpretentious and unrefined. The influx of the European and African immigrants to Buenos Aires, each contributing their own special instrument and unique flair into a big melting pot. The people sang about their nostalgia of the lands they left behind, sordid affairs with the men and women, and the new land, Buenos Aires, which they would have to embrace; often written with 'Lunfardo', a mixture of prison speak and street talk. One of the most famous tango piece, however beautiful it sounds, is named 'El Choclo' -'The Corn'; with obvious comparison to a particular male organ. Thus Argentine Tango was born.

Throughout the years, tango experienced many evolutions and refinement as a music genre and a dance. Now, it is a popular social dance in Buenos Aires, United States, Europe, and Asia. The music, especially the ones by Astor Piazolla and Gotan Project can be heard in many movie soundtracks, advertisements and mainstream music culture.

The essence of the dance remains. More often than not, tango is a very intimate dance shared by the two dancers, like a private conversation between lovers. Much of the beauty and communication of the dance is in felt in the embrace. That is the reason why it is so enthralling and addictive, because that is what our fast paced outwardly visual modern world is lacking; a human touch and communication of the inner emotions.

History of Tango in Singapore

One might wonder how a dance from a culture so faraway geographically and culturally remote can reach the shores of our tiny island. This could be credited to Kace Ong of Tangosingapore, Abrazos Club.

Kace came from a rich dancing background and was an avid ballroom and latin dancer. But when he discovered Tango in San Francisco in early 1999, he instantly fell in love with it. Kace recalls, “The other dances I was doing, ballet, latin, ballroom felt more like a physical workout. But tango touched me on a deeper level; it was something spiritual and profound.” 

In those days, there was no one teaching Argentine tango, only ballroom tango. So Kace together with his dancing partner May Tan organized the very first Tango workshop in June 1999, inviting Argentine tango dancers Gladys Fernandez and Ricardo Gallo. It was an unexpected success; over 200 people turned out for the grand dance party on the last night.

Early 2000, in spite of the lack of tango teachers and practically no pool of dancers, Kace and May managed to form a group with some fellow tango lovers and started a twice weekly practice session in Substation and the former Drama Center at Fort Canning. 

The group of 10-20 people stuck together, practicing and experimenting out of the passion for this unknown dance that came all the way from Argentina. Amazingly, in 2001, Kace managed to form a tango performance troupe and gave numerous outreach programs and performances in libraries, museums, the Borders bookshop, Sentosa, WOMAD (World of Music and Dance) and Latin dance festivals. The public awareness of tango grew through Kace and May’s hard work and in 2002 they started teaching at Jitterbugs, one of the biggest dance schools in Singapore.

Throughout these formative years, Kace and May with their core group of tango addicts put in hard work and invited tango teachers from around the world to give workshops. Despite the moderate success in growth, this group of tango lovers still had to move from dance studio to dance studio, looking for the cheapest venue, just to keep their passion going. Eventually they settled in Singapore History Museum from 2003 till 2005, where they conducted a weekly class and practice session.

During the late 2004 to early 2007, the local tango scene underwent another tremendous change. Eventually resulting in the scene today, where you can dance tango practically every single night of the week; as compared to the days where there was only tango dancing two nights per week.

Late 2004 saw the arrival of expatriates Jean-Michel Ledeur and his partner Royce Chau. Being tango addicts, they wanted to dance more than what was on the weekly schedule. Out of passion for the dance, they started a set up a little dance studio called 'Las Ventanas del Corazon' in their own home, teaching tango outside of their work and also started a fortnightly dance party (milonga).

When they left Singapore for work in other countries in early 2006, they had to close down Las Ventanas del Corazon. Louis Shue and Janet Nio, who were part of the core group with Kace and May; long time tango enthusiasts and performing partners decided to takeover the baton and opened their own tango studio called 'Ixidanza'. Once again, they did it out of their passion and love for this beautiful dance. They did it so the local tango community would continue to have their own place to learn and to dance their hearts out on a regular basis.

The Organizers

Abrazos
In late 2006, Kace unveiled his flagship dance studio 'Abrazos'. Occupying a space of 3000 sq feet, the dance studio is a close replica of the dimly lit milongas of Buenos Aires. Kace and his partner May, being visited Buenos Aires several times, had the vision to teleport the dancers to the smokey, sensual milongas of Buenos Aires when they step into Abrazos. 

As you enter Abrazos, the first thing that strikes you is the beautifully adorned shoe boutique, the exquisite Argentine imported tango shoes, attractive and sitting there and crying out to be noticed. Turn to your right and the main dance floor is there; with tables lined up at the side, the red table cloth and candle lights on each table giving an intimate peaceful yet sensual feeling. The smooth wooden dance floor is easy on the pivoting.

Beside the dance floor is the mini snack bar for hungry dancers to help themselves on some finger food. The tango DJ could be seen there too observing the dance floor, thinking about the next 'tanda', a set of 4 tango music, to put on for the listening enjoyment. Faraway in the right corner is another dance floor lined with a big mirror, usually used for teaching and rehearsals for Kace's very own tango performing troupe.

Weekly, Abrazos offers two tango classes, one each on wednesdays and saturdays. They also have two milongas everyweek, one on friday and one on saturday. Kace also holds regular workshops by inviting overseas teachers and he also organizes other social functions for the tango community. For their full updated schedule refer to their website at http://abrazosclub.com/. 

Kace and May had gone through the early years where tango in Singapore did not have a place of her own. With Abrazos, they had provided a place where tango dancers can finally call home. The size of the venue also serves as the perfect platform to organize tango outreach programs for promoting tango in Singapore. Their next project is to hold their own tango show, ala Forever Tango.

Abrazos is located at 568 Ganges Ave #02-100, Jalan Besar Town Council. To get to Abrazos, take bus number 51 from North Bridge Road outside City Hall MRT. Or drive along Ganges Avenue. And turn into the carpark under an overhead bridge, after passing by a Shell station.

Ixidanza
Before there was Abrazos, the local tango dancers had their own special place to practise and dance their tango. They did it in a place called 'Ixidanza', opened by two long time tango enthusiasts, Louis Shue and Janet Nio. They had been in love with tango for very long and they wanted to provide a place where the social dancers can come together and dance peacefully, sharing the embrace and good tango music.

In early 2006, when Jean-Michel was Royce were about to leave Singapore, they recognized the vacumm they will leave behind. As such, they took up the behemoth task to setup a dance school and started to teach and organize milongas; even though they both hold full time day jobs.

Ixidanza is a cosy dance studio about the size of a badminton court. With a corner full of plush sofas and cushion for the dancers to relax and chill out in each other's company. The wooden dancefloor is very good for pivoting. One side of the wall is lined with mirrors so the dancers can check on their own dancing techniques. On the nights of milonga, Ixidanza dims down the lights and the place is transformed into a comfortable, friendly place for the dancers to enjoy a peaceful night of dancing.

One thing that stands out for Ixidanza is the organizers' unrelenting and uncompromising attitude to provide the best music and best atmosphere for social dancing. Their tango teaching is rooted very much in the social aspects of Argentine Tango, where emphasis is made to ensure every couple dances with a peaceful energy, and not affecting their surrounding couples. The music, which is so important for any dancing venue, is top class. Louis has a very good understanding and taste for tango music and is an excellent DJ.

Milongas are held on saturdays every fornightly. Beginner’s classes are available every wednesdays and saturdays. During the week they have two practice sessions, on every tuesday and thursday evening. Check on the website http://www.ixidanza.com/ for more details.

One year into their venture, Ixidanza has flourished and has become the firm favourite of many top local social dancers. Louis and Janet also marked their very own one year anniversary by inviting the top tango maestros, Javier Rodriguez and Andrea Misse, considered the best dancers in the world by many, to Ixidanza to hold a series of workshops in mid may 2007.

Ixidanza is located at 20A Teck Lim Road.  The nearest MRTs are Outram Park EW16 (5-8 minutes walk) and Chinatown NE4 (8-13 minutes walk). It’s on the second floor of a shop house building in Chinatown area, above a Karaoke bar called the Bronx.

Big Event Coming Up

The next major event on the Singapore tango calender is celebration of the 8th Tango Singapore Anniversary. Organised by Kace, the founder of TangoSingapore and Abrazos, it is the major event of the local tango community. The last Tango Singapore festival in 2005 was a great success, well known tango teachers Esteban and Evelyn from Uruguay were invited. It was well attended and managed to increase the public awareness of Argentine Tango in Singapore. The tango festival in 2005 was also when I first got to know the magic of tango.

The 8th Tango Singapore Anniversary would be held in Abrazos, from 29th June till 1st July 2007. It aims to celebrate the long 8 years Tango Singapore had passed and grown; looking towards the future, this festival also serves as an outreach opportunity for this beautiful dance to gain more prominence. The exciting activities for this 3 day carnival includes open air busking, buffet of latin cusine, tango classes for every level, milongas everynight including a grand sunset milonga at The Botanic Gardens for the final evening.

Future of Tango in Singapore

The community of tango dancers is still relatively small compared to the many other latin dances such as Salsa, Rumba and Merengue etc. But for something so culturally remote and faraway to reach our shores to a place amongst the heart of the Singaporeans, it is already very amazing. The most incredible part is with the help of this music that is suppose to be so alien to us and language which we can hardly understand, we seem to be able open up to each other and communicate on a much more profound level.

With Abrazos and Ixidanza, there are now many choices for the dancing and tango related activities. It remains to be seen if these two organizers with the same passion and heart to nurture the tango community of Singapore could work in tandem, or would the competition get in the way. One thing is for sure, compared to 8 years ago, tango in Singapore has definitely come a long way. With these two passionate and capable organizers at helm, the future should be brighter than ever.

As Javier Rodriguez once told me, "I am just carrying a message (in my dancing and teaching); I am not the one to make people fall in love with tango, I dance my best and I leave the tango to make people fall in love with it." The sum is often greater than its parts; maybe it is something greater than the soothing music, the passionate words and intimate embrace that makes all of us love Argentine tango; something more spiritual and deep that comes from the many years of struggling; the dark uncertain days experienced by the immigrants and people of Buenos Aires, that had reached out and connected with us Singaporeans who, like the portenos (Buenos Aireans) so many years ago, are in search of our own identity.