Its been ten years since it happened. A little trip down the memory lane... still fresh like it happened yesterday. A funny little recollection that brings a smile everytime I remember it and a laugh everytime I tell it.
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December 1999.
We were eager, strapping army officer cadets, all nineteen years of boyhood, bursting with vigour and anticipation of the manhood to come.
Bravo Wing, OCS cadet corps had just completed a gruelling one month jungle training in the savage tropical jungles of Brunei. For one month we went through battle procedures and drills in the thick, wet vegetation; and also went through an especially signifigant, life-changing experience for all of us young cadets: The Jungle Confidence Course (JCC).
After one month of Brunei jungle training, we had a one week vacation for us cadets to recharge our batteries before the last phase of our officer cadet course. Me and my fellow platoon mates were decidedly bored and were thinking of a little trip to Malaysia, our neighbour country.
So mission 'JPP' was conceived. Young minds and its crazy ideas; influenced by our time in the army, every other plan deserved some military codeword, every other actions were influenced by some military 'S.O.P' (standard operating procedures).
'JPP' stood for 'Johor Porn Party'. As most of my friends did not do very well for 'JCC' the 'Jungle Confidence Course', many did not get the 'JCC' military badge. We decided to reward ourselves the badge of 'JPP'.
The idea was to go to Johor Bahru, the nearest malaysian city across the Singapore causeway, for a sumptous seafood dinner and then spend the night and next day at a nearby beach resort at Desaru.
So where does the porn party part come in? The plan was to check out a 'Tiger Show' in Johor Bahru after dinner, before we head to Desaru.
(For the uninitiated, a 'Tiger Show' is actually a live sex show, with the performing women doing acrobatic stunts with their vaginas, e.g. shooting ping-pong balls or darts.)
This plan generated quite a buzz amongst us as you can imagine, a bunch of innocent Singaporean nineteen year olds, more than half of which had never seen a real life pussy before, after one month training in the mosquito infested jungles of Brunei; going through the whole jungle confidence course (JCC) without succeeding and getting the badge. One can see why we were all excited about JPP.
After a superb seafood dinner over-flowing with chilli crabs and deepfried cereal kingprawns, it was time to execute the big plan; the porn party.
To put that into perspective; upper middle class singaporean boys, well educated and of supposedly upright moral character, something like this was both unprecedented in our lives and outrageous: being in a foreign land going to see some live sex show.
As such, some of us chickened out after the dinner and decided to go back home to Singapore. The rest, about seven of us, who decided to carry out the plan, were filled with an exciting anticipation of the night and a sheepish feeling of guilt, the same guilt like how young boys feel after masterbating.
The night went downhill from then on; for us young, inexperienced and sheepish boys, everything that could go wrong went terribly wrong...
First of all, no one in our group knew where to find such shows. Imagine Malaysia, a muslim country where pornography rules were stricter than Singapore, none of us had the guts to approach anyone to ask neither.
So what did this lost, sheepish, but excited group of young nineteen year olds decided to do? Ask the taxi driver. We thought, a taxi (cab) driver will know just about every nook and cranny and dark corners of the city.
And we did not ask just any taxi driver on the streets, but the first taxi driver from the taxi stand outside of Johor Bahru busiest shopping mall, where the queue behind us was around 10 meters long.
DC, a handsome chinese version of Leonardo Di Caprio, usually the most outspoken of the group went up to the taxi driver and asked with his half past six melayu, "Eh Ahbang, di manakah 'tiger show'?" (Where is a 'tiger show'?)
"Tiger show?" The malay taxi uncle looked bewildered. DC began to flush deep red, "You know, 'ping pong' show? Err sex show?"
"Ah okok boleh..." The taxi uncle got it. "I am not sure, but wait here." The taxi uncle stood out from his taxi and shouted back towards the whole line of taxi waiting behind him, "EH THESE BOYS WANT TO SEE A TIGER SHOW, ANYONE KNOWS WHERE TO FIND ONE???!!!"
Its like the theatre went dark and a spotlight beamed upon the seven of us. And worse, we were naked.
A hand went up a few taxis behind the first one. "THEY WANT TO SEE TIGER SHOW IS IT? OK COME!"
Amidst the murmurings and stares of the queue of people waiting behind us, we hurriedly boarded the taxi and another behind it.
While driving us, the taxi uncle began to talk excitedly, "Boleh lah! You want to see 'tiger show' is it? I know just the place! The girls very cantik one... maciam princess ok. Oh you from Singapore. There are some Singapore girls there too! Tak boleh tahan!! They are the prettiest!!!"
After a few turns around the neighbourhood, the surroundings assumed an omnimous and dark character, with sparse and dim streetlights. Feels about right, a sleazy place for a sleazy activity.
"There you go ahbang! Your 'tiger show' enjoy!' The taxi driver stopped us in the middle of the dark neighbourhood, the only light emanating from a huge red neon signboard shaped in our Singapore national logo, a stylized lion head. And the name of the joint: 'Lion City', a moniker for Singapore.
"Hey YY (my nickname amongst my platoon mates, my chinese name is Yan Yang.)! How come they have our Singapura logo?" AC, the most muscular guy amongst us asked. He was a school representative for dragon boat, but his gentle and mild mannerism was a stark contrast from his physical size.
As we stepped into the premises of 'Lion City', I noticed it was a small dimly lit club, very quiet with small groups of two or three people huddled in dark corners; hushed and silent. The walls were lined with television sets of images of music videos and words.
"Wait a minute." I thought to myself. "This looks like a KTV (karaoke) lounge." The trouble was, amongst us, no one actually knew how or what a 'tiger show' should look like.
"Eh YY, ji pai siao liao lah (hokkien phrase - we're screwed this time). I think we've just walked into a 黑店 (literal translation, 'black shop' which means a place where customers are fleeced)." KC whispered to me. KC's nickname was 'wildboar', a rough looking guy; straightforward character and probably the most 'by the book' amongst us.
A man led us deep into the club to a small private room. "Ok gentleman, what can I do for you today?" By the time we were seated down, all of us had half our minds to leave, but we were all too intimidated.
"Er-hem, we want to see a 'tiger show'." DC said. "Tiger show?" The man hesitated for a moment, "Sure give me a moment, I'll bring in the girls." He left the room and shut the door behind him with a wry smile.
Silence. The seven of us were left alone in the room. We were seated in a semi-circle sofa, with the opening of the semi-circle leading to the door. There was nothing in the room except for a rectangular coffee table in the middle. We looked at each other with the same excitement, only this time the guilt was replaced by something more omnimous; the feeling of something was wrong with the place, rather than we were doing something morally incorrect.
The door opened and an elderly lady with greyish curly hair walked in. She sat beside AC and began to smile at him with her yellowish teeth, then at all of us. Then more ladies of similar age and appearances walked in. The man was last to enter and he said, "ok gentleman, how many of these beautiful ladies would you like for your 'show'?"
At this point all of us were dumbfounded. We stared at the women, most of them old enough to be our mothers and a few of them old enough to be our grandmothers. Sure some of them had low plunging neck line dresses, or red rougue on... but that did not cover up their wrinkles and saggy arms. That was so far removed from the fantasy we had pictured in our minds: nubile, sweaty, young naked girls.
Hence, once again, silence reigned. Only this time there were not a single inch of excitement left, nor guilt. We only felt fear; the deep deep fear of the choices we had to make. Leave this place and how? Or forever destroy our virgin 'sex show' experience?
I was the only regular soldier then, earning more pay than the rest of the gang. Hence I was unofficially financing this little adventure, I had to speak out, "Ok can we have a moment alone to decide?"
The man, who we now guessed was the boss of 'Lion City' was half amused as if also experiencing a new situation for the first time himself. "You need to decide? Just take all my beauties here! Ok if that's what you want. Let me know when you guys made the choice." He and his harem streamed out.
The moment he stepped out DC shrieked, "Oh shit oh shit oh shit! The first woman came in and I thought she was the 'ah soh' (auntie) coming in to clean up the place." He was half suppressing a laugh.
The hilarity of the situation were getting into us. At that point I felt like I was in a horror comedy movie; 'American Pie' feat 'From Dusk Till Dawn', with 'Hotel Carlifornia' as the theme song.
"They all look older than our mothers! Oh shit oh shit oh shit!" KCO a.k.a. 'Wendy' said. KCO was one of the fastest middle distance runner of the platoon but he was small in size and had very fair skin, so we all call him 'Wendy'.
We did not know if we were to cry, be angry or laugh. But it was a strange mix of all feelings. "Ok, let's just go with the least ugly one, get on with the show, pay for it and get the fuck out of here." I said.
Somehow, none of us had the guts to just stand up and leave, even though that was the thing all of us wanted to do. The fact that we were in foreign land, in a sleazy looking place probably ran by traids, we were cowed into staying and letting the act run its course from the motions we first set in place.
"So we all agree the second one from the door is the least ugly?" BT the only indian in our group said. "Yes yes, I think she was the slimmest and probably the least elderly." We all agreed.
I think the discussion took so long that the boss did not wait for us to call him in. He came in halfway through our discussions and demanded an answer; surrounded by all the elderly women.
"Ok we'll take her." DC said, pointing at the one we all agreed upon. "And who else?" the man asked. "No one, just her." DC repeated and we all nodded. "If that is what you want. But you really don't know what you guys are missing." The man left the room slightly irritated with the rest of the ladies, leaving the one we chosed behind.
"My name is Sandy." Closing the door behind her, "I heard you guys want a tiger show right?" Sandy was a chinese lady probably in her late forties, slim and wearing a clingy black little dress. Her face looked mature and were covered by wrinkles usually found on people who worked for a long period of late nights. "Ok I'll GIVE you your tiger show!" She laughed and her eyes gleamed wildly as she said that, assuming the role of a wanton experienced woman in control over a group of young boys. Within five seconds, she was stark naked. No slow sexy stripping, no sensual movements; faster than the fastest soldier in a uniform change parade.
What followed was a life-changing moment.
Sandy was naked in front of the door. Around the door all of us were sitting in a semi-circle. On her right, the start of the semi-circle sat Moby. Moby was the pushover of the platoon, usually the butt of all our jokes; he had a uni-brow, big round eyes, flat nose and looked like a funny japanese comic book character, and behaves like one too. Directly on her left, the other start of the semi-circle sat I, yours truly.
"So who should I service first???" She swept the room with her eyes. I'll never forget that wild gleam in her eyes. It happened like in slow motion, her gaze lingered on me for a second and then she settled her eyes on Moby, turned, and suddenly her naked body was up in the air and she pounced on Moby. She sat facing him, straddling him with her thighs.
Ever watched movies which played on decision making and future scenarios; like 'Sliding Doors', 'Back to the Future', 'Time Machine', etc? It could have been me. My first taste of breasts could have been Sandy's late forties tits. But unfortunately for Moby, it was him.
"来,我来帮你洗脸!!!" ("Come, I'll help you wash your face!!!") She cried, pushing Moby's face into her tits and started to mash them around his face. The others looked on in horror. While I looked on with horror and a great feeling of relief.
Moby was immobilized. We could only imagine he was paralyzed with shock. A late forties woman sitting on him and squeezing her tits on his face, his only movements were small twitches on his fingers and small jerks with his legs; like a man electrocuted. That moment, Moby was also immortalized in our minds.
After terrorizing Moby for a few minutes, she looked up at the next person in line, AK. AK was the only one amongst us with a girlfriend. He did not want to come but was dragged along. Little did he knew what was in store for him.
I was sitting right across AK when she pounced on him. And I'll never forget the look on his face. "来,我请你吃鲍鱼!!!" ("Come I'll treat you to some abalone!!!") Sandy cried and stood over the sitting AK, and sat on his head. It was a strange moment because Sandy had her pussy right smack on AK's forehead and we could all see AK's expression of horror peering through her butt naked, wide open legs. Suddenly Moby's plight did not seem so terrible afterall.
Next up was 'Wendy'... Credit to Sandy, thinking back, how did she came up with all these crazy stunts? Because as Sandy pounced on the bespectacled Wendy, Wendy avoided her, she then grabbed his spectacles and said, "我来帮你洗眼鏡." ("I'll help you wash your spectacles."). And proceeded to rub his spectacles vigorously with her pussy. Then she proceeded to help Wendy put his spectacles back on.
At this moment the rest of us, AC, KC, BT, DC and myself, we slowly huddled together, away from the scene of carnage. I could feel these guys all squeezing towards my end of the semi-circle.
"Who's next hahaha???" She turned around laughed gleefully. It almost felt like she was the paying customer; She should be, because she was the only one having fun here.
Next in line was DC but he cried, "No no its ok!" and started to stand up. Sandy laughed mockingly, "why are you guys so shy?" She turned and chased after DC towards our direction. Like pedestrains running away for their lives from an impending car crash, the rest of us stood up and started running away too.
The situation completely broke down into a farce: A naked late forties woman, running circles, chasing young nineteen year olds around a tiny coffee table of a crammed karaoke room. A situation one finds hard to believe even when happening to him that very second.
"Stop stop, we've had enough, here let me pay you and we have to go." I cried desperately, pushing some money for her. Sandy had her fun terrorizing us and left, taking the money.
The rest of the elderly women streamed into the room once more. Some gesturing to us the famous 'cock-sucking' gesture, winking and smiling. I handed out money to all of them, just to placate them and drive them away, finally I gave the boss more money and we bundled clumsily out of 'Lion City'.
As the 'Lion City' doors slam shut behind us, we all burst out laughing. The fear was replaced by a feelings of the comical hilarity of the situation and relief of getting out of that place.
"Hey don't let my girlfriend know alright?" AK said woefully, wiping his forehead. The rest of us turned around and everyone made a 'pussy' sign with our fingers and placed it on our foreheads.
We turned around and took a picture in this pose, with 'Lion City' and the national symbol of Singapore as our background.
Too bad the picture never got developed. 
